Friday, February 6, 2009

Controversial Construction Halted, Again

MILL VALLEY, CA, February 8, 2108:

Odd Discovery Forces Construction of Megatower to Stop


Since its inception, the 110 story Blithedale megatower has been plagued by controversy over such things as its location, proposed use, non-human labor force and quality of construction. Protests on site have delayed the start of the project for months. Now, just weeks after construction finally began, the project has been delayed again. This time the delay was caused, not by a protest, but by a discovery.


On Tuesday, an excavation droid clearing space for the building's foundation uncovered a trove of artifacts. In accordance with Marin Megalopolis Historical Preservation laws, this brought construction to an immediate stop. Construction will resume once the artifacts are examined and removed.


A preliminary examination by an archeologist suggests that the artifacts are food carriers of a type once commonly used by primary school students. This is not surprising, give the site's former use as a school.


While some of the objects are made of aluminum, most of the artifacts appear to be made of nylon and polycarbonate, man-made products derived from petroleum. This indicates that they were from the late 20th or early 21st centuries, when oil was still plentiful and before the discovery of cold fusion and hydrogen synthesis. This too, is no surprise, for "plastics", the name given to the petrochemicals use to make these artifacts, are not biodegradable and are known to last for centuries.



What makes this discovery interesting is the fact that all of the artifacts, enough for 10 or 11 people, have the word "Colburn" handwritten on them.


"We can't quite figure out what this means," said the archeologist, "back in those days, the average family had 2 kids. We've found so many things labeled Colburn that it isn't likely that these artifacts all belonged to kids from one family."


"Perhaps there was once an extended family of Colburns here," he continued, "maybe one adult Colburn moved here and liked it enough to convince brothers and sisters to join them and all of their kids went to school here at the same time. We'll never know, of course, but it's fun to speculate."


All photos of the artifacts were taken in situ (in the positions in which they were found).

21 comments:

Sophie Boczek said...

ok mr. t, that was probably the funniest post that you've ever done!!! hhhahahha hohohohohohehehehehe heeheeehheeehee poor daisy!!!!

Maggie said...

omg! lol funny!

nerdy kid said...

Omg franklin is like so totally forgetful

Mara said...

Random!! That post is so FUNNY!!! It would also be kind of weird if there were a bunch of Daisy's walking around the school... Hi Daisy 1... 5 hours later... Hi Daisy 2,507, hi Daisy 2,508. You would have to teach a whole class of Daisy's and Franklin's!!
Peace to the world,
Mara

nerdy kid said...

First of all, Mr. t you're super-duper mean. I still can't believe you'd post some thing like that to like everyonein the fifth grade. And second of all, when my mom read it she burst out into a hysterics of laughter and now you post has been printed out, framed, and hung on my bed room wall.

I LOVE PUPPIES!!!!! (guess who I am) said...

thats a lot of pictures. I don't really know who Unicorn Freak is, but i agree with what she said! you are a super-duper guY!!!!
i luv puppies

nerdy kid said...

unicorn freak is a he, a he!!!!!!

UFO dude (elodie) said...

I hate to say this but i have seen many "Artifacts" that seem to have been owned by daisy. It is so random!:)

Anonymous said...

Mr. T,

Awesome piece of writing! :) Very entertaining.

Funnyflicks (Marley) said...

This could actually happen......... right?

Eric said...

That was really funny! The first time I read it, I didn't read about where it was located, and actually thought it was real! Imagine a world of just Daisys...
*shudder*


...ma lazer BLAH!

Samuel said...

Reply to UFO Dude: what if they actually ARE Daisy's? Half have a flower printed on them.

Anonymous said...

lol daisy...

Anonymous said...

Mr. T,

As always, love reading this. Supremely funny!

Anonymous said...

pick up your stuff franklin

DJ Dog (Graeme) said...

Wow. Franklin HAS to learn to take care of his stuff! Cool story

DJ Dog (Graeme) said...

weird

Grace said...

mr t that is so funny see I told you Franklin was wierd!

Grace said...

hi mr t

DJ Dog (Graeme) said...

guess my name. Quazimoto

DJ Dog (Graeme) said...

guess my name. Quazimoto