Making Friends - Step Three

Okay, so now you're walking around, smiling and greeting everyone you know by name. Right? So do you have a bunch of new friends now?

Well, probably not friends, but if you've been smiling and calling people by name others will see you as someone likeable.

But, these are only the first steps. These are called icebreakers, ways to break the barriers that people put between themselves and people they don't know.

Icebreakers are easy, because they don't cost you much. Smiling at someone and calling them by name doesn't make them your friend, but it will leave them with a good impression of you. The next steps are harder, because they will require that you give something of yourself with no guarantee that you'll get anything in return.

Before someone will be your friend, they have to know that you are want to know them better. You have to have a real interest in other people.

Most kids your age have a favorite conversation topic: themselves. Kids love to talk about themselves and the things they've been doing. This results in a lot of conversations which really aren't. Instead, they are a bunch of people waiting for one person to stop talking about her/himself so that another person can start talking about her/himself.

Typical conversation between 3 kids who want to share their spring break experiences:

Kid 1: "I went to Disneyland!"

Kid 2: "I went to Costa Rica!"

Kid 3: "I played a lot of baseball."

Kid 1: "After Disneyland, we went to Magic Mountain!"

Kid 2: "It rained every day, but it was still warm."

Kid 3: "I hit two home runs. "

See? Three people, three separate topics

Now here's how a conversation between two kids who are taking an interest in each other sounds:

Kid 1: "What did you do over spring break?"

Kid 2: "I went to Disneyland."

Kid 1: Oh, that sounds like fun!

Kid 2: "It was. One day we were there from from the time it opened to the time it closed. What did you do?"

Kid 1: "I went to Washington, D.C."

Kid 2: "Wow, that's cool. What was it like?"

In the second conversation, each kid is asking questions or making comments which encourage the other to talk more. When each is finished they give the other a chance to speak.

A good way to make new friends is to encourage others to talk about themselves and show genuine interest in what they're talking about.

Kid 1 (smiling): Hi _______ (remember to use the other's name), I heard you talking about your track meet. When is it?

Kid 2: "It's on Saturday."

Kid 1: "How many events are you in?"

Kid 2: "Four. I'm in the 100, the 400, the long jump and the 4x100 relay."

Kid 1: "Wow! You must be fast!"

Kid 2: "I hope so, but I'm not sure because this is our first meet."

Kid 1: "Don't worry, I'll bet you'll do well."

Kid 2: "Wanna come watch?"

By showing an interest in another person, kid 1 turned a casual conversation into an invitation. This could be the start of a friendship.

Step three: Take a genuine interest in other people.