Making Friends - Step Six (of seven)

If you've been practicing the things we've written about so far, you've learned how powerful those tools are.

Being interested in others, smiling and using other people's names will break down their natural barriers to strangers and allow them to see you as someone who is friendly. Listening and encouraging others to talk about themselves will tell others that you are not just being nice but are really interested in getting to know them. Others now see you, not just as someone who is friendly and approachable, but as someone who is good to talk to.

People like other people who are good listeners and who are willing to let them talk.

By using the skills we've described so far, you've probably decided who you'd really like to have as a friend. Usually, this means that you've found others who are interested in some of the same things as you. If this is the case, the next step should be easy.

If you're interested in strengthening your relationship with someone, try this: start conversations with them about subjects that you know that you both find interesting, but do so in a way that invites them to talk about it.

Example:

Let's say the you want to be friends with someone who likes to read, like you do. You notice that s/he's carrying a book you've read and liked, so you start a conversation about it.

You: "Hi (person's name), how do you like that book?"
Other: "It's really good. I'm almost done and I don't want it to end."
You: "I felt the same way. Why do you like it so much?"
Other: "I really like how there is text and pictures and how the author uses pictures to tell a lot of the story. It makes me feel like I'm in the story."
You: "Me too!"
Other: "Really? How about when Hugo figured out who the old man was? I thought that was awesome!"...

See? By asking a question about something about which you know the other was interested, you found the other person eager to talk about it. By continuing to ask questions, you invited the other person to continue talking, which kept the conversation going. The other person became curious about what you thought and a full conversation took place. The conversation brought the two of you closer.

In the future, if the other person wants to talk about a book with someone, there's a good chance they'll come to you, because they'll know that this is a subject about which you like to talk. A friendship has begun.

Step Six: Talk in terms of the other person's interests