Quid Pro Quo

Quid Pro Quo is a latin expression which means "something for something". This is a simple, yet very important principle that is used in business, law and interpersonal relationships. Understanding and using this principle will help you to have successful interpersonal relationships of all kinds.

All it means is that in order to get something, you must give something. For example, everyday at recess, somebody has a snack that others want to try.

Typically, some hungry kid will say to the snackholder: "Ooh! Can I have one?", to which the reply is usually, "No!".

Kids who are successful at getting the snackholder to share offer something in exchange, like some chips for a cookie. This is quid pro quo.

While this is a simple idea, it is also important to understand that what you offer to should be of equal or greater value to what you are trying to get. So, an offer of, say, one chip for one cookie might not get you the cookie. Doesn't mean that the snackholder is being mean, just that s/he doesn't think it's a good deal. If you really want the cookie, keep offering more chips until the snackholder thinks it's fair. If you think s/he's asking too much, walk away. This is called bargaining, which I may talk about another time.

Quid pro quo is an important principle in friendships. In order for a friendship to be healthy, it must benefit all friends. You aren't always going to agree with each other, or want to do the same things, so there must be some give and take. Sometimes you give something to a friend on the promise of something in return later.

Let's say two kids want to go to a movie but can't agree on which movie to see. In the interest of the friendship, one kid says "we'll go to the movie you want to see today, if you'll let me choose next time". That's giving something to get something, quid pro quo, but also a gesture a frienship. The second kid, in order to maintain the friendship, should accept the offer, then keep the promise in the future.

See, that's where a lot of so-called friendships break down. One person will make an agreement with another in order to get their way, only to break the agreement later. That's not a friendship. Real friends keep their agreements.

Other relationships have no quid pro quo at all. Instead, one person always gets what s/he wants and never offers anything in return. That's not a friendship at all, but one person using another for personal gain.

So remember, healthy relationships use the principle of quid pro quo. A healthy relationship is one in which everybody involved benefits.