Okay, now we're getting into the nitty-gritty. Use the first three tools faithfully, and you will find that people, including people who never showed any interest in you before, will look forward to seeing you, be interested in getting to know you, talking to you and spending time with you.
The trick now is to really get to know these people and turn their interest in you into a real friendship.
This next skill is something that most adults, including me, can do better. Therefore, if you can master this skill at an early age you will possess a skill that many don't. Not only be able to make lots of friends, but you will be successful at anything you choose to do. The skill?
The ability to listen.
At the most basic level, a good listener pays close attention to and absorbs everything that s/he hears.
President Clinton used to have aides read complicated documents to him while he was busy doing something else. When the aide was done, Clinton could remember the document almost word for word. While discussing the document and having a disagreement with an aide about what it said, he would often say something like: "Go back to page 92, second paragraph. The one that begins with..." and he'd always be right.
Mr. Clinton demonstrated a phenomenal ability to listen and absorb words, facts and figures. But there's more to listening than that, especially when it comes to your relationships with people. If you really work at being a good listener and as your understanding of people grows, you will learn that a lot of what you are being told isn't being said.
Sound weird, but it's true. Truly good listening skills mean the ability to hear what is being said to understand what isn't being said. This is called the ability to read between the lines.
Simple Example: Let's say that I have a great player on my basketball team. S/he's tough, fast, skilled, hard working, enthusiastic. Looked up to by the other players. Then one day s/he shows up for a game and says, "my stomach hurts."
This is a simple statement that can mean a lot of different things. Could simply mean that the player's stomach hurts. But it could also mean that the player is scared and is looking for reassurance from me. It is up to me, the listener, to figure out what the player really means.
A poor listener would say something like: "I'm sorry to hear that, but we really need you today. Can you tough it out?"
A good listener would ask questions:
Coach: "Do you think it was something you ate?"
Player: "No."
Coach: "How long has your stomach been hurting?"
Player: "Not long."
Coach: "Do you need to sit out?"
Player: "No."
These answers indicate that the player still wants to play, so the stomach pain might just be anxiety. Coach's job now is to take the pressure off the player.
Coach: "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to start you as usual, but if your stomach really starts to bother you, let me know and I'll take you out, okay? Anything you can do to help is good, so just give us the best you can."
Player: "Okay."
The ability to hear what isn't being said is something that comes with practice and experience. You'll never develop it, however, unless you make an effort to listen closely.
Step Four: Listen
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Power of Determination and Persistance
Graduation speeches are an old tradition. All of you will speak at your 5th grade graduation, but as you get older and your schools get bigger, fewer and fewer graduating students get to speak. At big Universities, famous people are asked to speak.
President Obama will be speaking at University of Notre Dame, one of the most famous schools in the country. Notre Dame has 8000 students.
Michelle Obama spoke to the first graduating class of UC Merced, a school that's only been in existence for 4 years and which has only 2718 students.
Why did Mrs. Obama choose to speak at this small school? Read on...
First Lady Delivers a Charge to Graduates
Jim Wilson/The New York Times
First Lady Michelle Obama waves to the first full four year graduates of the Univ of California at Merced on Saturday.
Published: May 16, 2009
MERCED, Calif. — Michelle Obama on Saturday encouraged the first full graduating class at the University of California, Merced, to help change the world by using the same determination they had shown in bringing her to campus.
“A few people may be wondering why did I choose the University of California, Merced, to deliver my first commencement speech as first lady,” Mrs. Obama said. “The answer is simple: you inspired me, you touched me.
“There are few things that are more rewarding than to watch young people recognize that they have the power to make their dreams come true. And you did just that.”
Mrs. Obama was drafted to speak here at the smallest, newest campus in the University of California system through a lobbying effort by students and their families. They peppered the White House with letters, videos and hundreds of Valentine’s Day cards.
“And let me tell you, it worked,” she said. “Because I’m here.”
The speech capped weeks of anticipation at the university for an event that left some students star-struck on a blazingly bright and hot afternoon.
“I haven’t seen anyone of that magnitude in person,” said Daniel Titcher, 22, a senior. “Maybe a state senator or assemblyman or something, but nothing like this.”
The appearance also delighted university officials, who had been working to raise enough money to pay for a more elaborate commencement, attended by more than 10,000 people. The $700,000 price tag for the event included enhanced security, like dozens of metal detectors. Lookouts were on rooftops around the school’s quad, and Secret Service agents patrolled the campus, which sits surrounded by browning farmland outside Merced.
John Garamendi Jr., the vice chancellor for university relations, said he had been supportive but skeptical when student leaders told him they were trying to book Mrs. Obama. “I said, ‘Good luck,’ ” Mr. Garamendi recalled, with a laugh. “I said, ‘I love you guys.’ And I kept walking.”
But sure enough, in late March, Mrs. Obama announced that she would make her sole college commencement appearance this season at the Merced campus. The decision brought a swell of pride to this university in the Central Valley of California.
“Anybody who asks where my daughter’s graduating from, I say, ‘U.C. Merced,’ and they go, ‘Oh!’ ” said Shelly Comer, a nurse whose elder daughter, Michelle, was receiving her degree in psychology. “And then they start talking about Michelle Obama.”
Mr. Garamendi echoed that. “The eyes of the world are on us at this moment,” he said. “People are learning that there are positive things happening in California’s Central Valley.”
The first lady’s visit brought a jolt of excitement to the region, which has been battered by drought, high unemployment and a high foreclosure rate.
Conor Mangan, 22, said he hoped that Mrs. Obama’s appearance would help the local economy, if only for a day. “I hope it pays off,” said Mr. Mangan, who noted that he had backed Ron Paul in the presidential race.
Economic concerns were also on the mind of Irvin Junprung, 22, a biology major, who summed up the immediate plans for him and many of his fellow graduates. “Find work,” Mr. Junprung said.
Speaking at the commencement, Mrs. Obama stayed on inspirational terrain, echoing President Obama’s themes of community service and perseverance in tough times. “My husband knows a little something about the power of hope,” she said. “You are the hope of Merced. And this nation.”
President Obama will be speaking at University of Notre Dame, one of the most famous schools in the country. Notre Dame has 8000 students.
Michelle Obama spoke to the first graduating class of UC Merced, a school that's only been in existence for 4 years and which has only 2718 students.
Why did Mrs. Obama choose to speak at this small school? Read on...
First Lady Delivers a Charge to Graduates
Jim Wilson/The New York Times
First Lady Michelle Obama waves to the first full four year graduates of the Univ of California at Merced on Saturday.
Published: May 16, 2009
MERCED, Calif. — Michelle Obama on Saturday encouraged the first full graduating class at the University of California, Merced, to help change the world by using the same determination they had shown in bringing her to campus.
“A few people may be wondering why did I choose the University of California, Merced, to deliver my first commencement speech as first lady,” Mrs. Obama said. “The answer is simple: you inspired me, you touched me.
“There are few things that are more rewarding than to watch young people recognize that they have the power to make their dreams come true. And you did just that.”
Mrs. Obama was drafted to speak here at the smallest, newest campus in the University of California system through a lobbying effort by students and their families. They peppered the White House with letters, videos and hundreds of Valentine’s Day cards.
“And let me tell you, it worked,” she said. “Because I’m here.”
The speech capped weeks of anticipation at the university for an event that left some students star-struck on a blazingly bright and hot afternoon.
“I haven’t seen anyone of that magnitude in person,” said Daniel Titcher, 22, a senior. “Maybe a state senator or assemblyman or something, but nothing like this.”
The appearance also delighted university officials, who had been working to raise enough money to pay for a more elaborate commencement, attended by more than 10,000 people. The $700,000 price tag for the event included enhanced security, like dozens of metal detectors. Lookouts were on rooftops around the school’s quad, and Secret Service agents patrolled the campus, which sits surrounded by browning farmland outside Merced.
John Garamendi Jr., the vice chancellor for university relations, said he had been supportive but skeptical when student leaders told him they were trying to book Mrs. Obama. “I said, ‘Good luck,’ ” Mr. Garamendi recalled, with a laugh. “I said, ‘I love you guys.’ And I kept walking.”
But sure enough, in late March, Mrs. Obama announced that she would make her sole college commencement appearance this season at the Merced campus. The decision brought a swell of pride to this university in the Central Valley of California.
“Anybody who asks where my daughter’s graduating from, I say, ‘U.C. Merced,’ and they go, ‘Oh!’ ” said Shelly Comer, a nurse whose elder daughter, Michelle, was receiving her degree in psychology. “And then they start talking about Michelle Obama.”
Mr. Garamendi echoed that. “The eyes of the world are on us at this moment,” he said. “People are learning that there are positive things happening in California’s Central Valley.”
The first lady’s visit brought a jolt of excitement to the region, which has been battered by drought, high unemployment and a high foreclosure rate.
Conor Mangan, 22, said he hoped that Mrs. Obama’s appearance would help the local economy, if only for a day. “I hope it pays off,” said Mr. Mangan, who noted that he had backed Ron Paul in the presidential race.
Economic concerns were also on the mind of Irvin Junprung, 22, a biology major, who summed up the immediate plans for him and many of his fellow graduates. “Find work,” Mr. Junprung said.
Speaking at the commencement, Mrs. Obama stayed on inspirational terrain, echoing President Obama’s themes of community service and perseverance in tough times. “My husband knows a little something about the power of hope,” she said. “You are the hope of Merced. And this nation.”
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Defiant? Or Creative Solution?
One day last year during lunch recess, a couple of girls asked me if there was anywhere they could go that was quiet, private and out of the sun. I suggested a couple of places, but they didn't like any of them.
"We'll figure something out," they said as they left.
I forgot about the whole thing.
A couple of weeks later, another girl came to me with a complaint.
"Mr. T," she said, "there are some girls beading in the middle of the bathroom floor!"
I walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. It was answered by one the two girls who had previously asked me for the quiet space.
"Umm," I said, "are you beading in here?"
"Yes," said the girl, "It was the only place we could find that wasn't windy and noisy."
"Well, this isn't a good place for that. You're taking up a lot of space and making everyone walk around you. Plus, people want privacy when they come in here. And, it's really unsanitary in here. You'll have to find someplace else."
The beaders grumbled, but they left.
A couple of weeks later, I got another complaint.
"Those girls are beading in the bathroom again!"
I walked over, knocked on the door and after the same girl opened it again, asked, crossly, "Didn't I ask you to do that somewhere else?"
"But," said the girl, "we cleaned the floor with Purel!"
"We'll figure something out," they said as they left.
I forgot about the whole thing.
A couple of weeks later, another girl came to me with a complaint.
"Mr. T," she said, "there are some girls beading in the middle of the bathroom floor!"
I walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. It was answered by one the two girls who had previously asked me for the quiet space.
"Umm," I said, "are you beading in here?"
"Yes," said the girl, "It was the only place we could find that wasn't windy and noisy."
"Well, this isn't a good place for that. You're taking up a lot of space and making everyone walk around you. Plus, people want privacy when they come in here. And, it's really unsanitary in here. You'll have to find someplace else."
The beaders grumbled, but they left.
A couple of weeks later, I got another complaint.
"Those girls are beading in the bathroom again!"
I walked over, knocked on the door and after the same girl opened it again, asked, crossly, "Didn't I ask you to do that somewhere else?"
"But," said the girl, "we cleaned the floor with Purel!"
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